Homesick

Dear Blog,

Today I'm going to share something very personal. It's been weighing on my mind a little. Don't read on if you're not a fan of emo topics. Consider yourself forewarned.

Most days, I'm fine. I'm happy.

But I have my days where I get terribly homesick. I miss home. I miss my family. The friends I grew up with and whom still bothered to keep in touch a gazillion miles away. I miss the familiarity. Knowing I'll go home to loving smiles and the warmness of my family. Their love. Where silence is comfortable.

Even though I'm American (technically), and I have made more friends here...sometimes I feel a deep sense of loneliness. Of not truly belonging somewhere. Perhaps since I have and can live anywhere and everywhere, effectively, I no longer belong anywhere. I blend in, but I do not belong. I'm not too social here, which surprises me because anyone back home would tell you in a heartbeat that I am definitely outgoing.

Coming here has changed my perspectives. Changed me.

I've learned that happiness is a journey, not a destination. It is a constant work-in-progress. It takes work! It is not dependent on others, but rather on yourself. Everyone has bad days and the good. What you make out of situations and circumstances you are placed in is the determinant.

I've learned that family is #1. When everything turns into mush, they are the only ones you can turn to for comfort, for strength, for love, for support. They're always ALWAYS solid ground. Dependable. I miss my family so so much. And I have to admit the thought of staying here permanently without them, scares me a little. I try not to think about it. Sometimes I worry it isn't the right choice. I miss you mom, and jan. More than you could know. I love you both so much. Friends come and go, but family will be there no matter what. My family isn't perfect, but in the most peculiar way they are a perfect fit for the imperfect me :) 

I've learned that people are but just people. In Singapore, China, Europe, or America. There are good people and there are well...a few rotten eggs. People all desire to be loved, to belong, to be happy.

***

There are some thanks I owe to a few near and dear to my heart for making my transition a less lonesome one:

1. Yang - for always being there for me. For listening, and being a constant when it was a really tough time for me and not checking out when you definitely could have. For being what I needed you to be for me at the time. Muchos gracias. 

2. Mom - thanks for calling me EVERY SINGLE DAY when I first got here. For listening through the tears and muffled whispers. For sharing my little victories and my greatest failures. Best mom I could ever ask for. I wish I could be half as strong as you are. You are such an inspiration and role model to me.

3. Jan - for the little things. The post cards. The love. For sharing your life with your big sis to cheer her up even a million miles away. I love you and am so proud of who you are becoming and what you have and will do.

4. Debs, Christian, Bruce: For being my family away from home. And always making sure I get out and not bury myself in the books. 

4. Qin, Michael, Ants, Avril, Kor, Crystal, Wei: For always whatsapping me and keeping me updated. I'm sure you didn't know it but that familiarity kept me sane :)

To be continued...perhaps on a happier day.